I think both are good. Living alone gives you time to reflect and it will tend to push issues up to the surface…but there is that tendency to become selfish. Living with others gives you the opportunity for direct input into your life and your selfishness becomes more evident…but in some ways it’s easier to avoid issues because you have the potential distraction of the other person. I encourage an individual to listen to what they need and ask themselves this question…”which circumstance will lead to my greatest freedom in Christ?”
What about guys and girls. Should they live together as roommates?
No. I think it creates an unnecessary tension that leads us away from freedom not toward it.
I am recently divorced. I am now living with a man I love, admire and
respect. But right about now I am questioning my feelings.
(Does the bible talk about living together before marriage?).
I have known him for 13 years. He is 14 years older than myself. I am 48,
he is 62 years old.
He looks at other women. He has a wondering eye. I believe he undresses them
with his mind. He loves to talk with women and be there savior. He hugs
his lady associates and clients. I am feeling jealous and having trouble
Is this normal?
My heart aches
Dear My Heart Aches,
I hear fear in your letter….you’ve been hurt…trust broken and it’s going to take sometime to heal and learn how to trust again. You ask two questions which I will try to answer a little later. There’s a question I think is more important that I want to invite you to ask yourself…”Does this circumstance lead me to God’s freedom for my life?” This is a question of trust…trust in God’s provision for you. Any time we step outside of the design that God has provide for our lives we sell ourselves short. You’re worth a commitment to be cared for. You’re worth a commitment to be cherished. You’re worth a commitment to be married. You’re worth a commitment to be loved. Freedom comes when we take the risk of trusting that God knows what’s best for us, which isn’t really a risk at all. It’s just so foreign to us that it becomes scary. I believe it is nearly impossible to have a healthy, trusting relationship with another person unless we’re willing to engage with this question.
On to your questions…
Normal and healthy are two different things. Do a number of people live together…yes. Do a number of men look at other women with the purpose of undressing them…yes. Is either of these behaviors healthy…no. The Bible teaches us to avoid youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2Tim.2:22). I could quote a string of verses that speak to these issues but for time sake I won’t. To get at the heart of the matter Christ died so that we would walk in freedom. This freedom is not by our design but according to God’s…so by seeking Him and orientating to His desire for us we will find the freedom and peace we seek.
Ken Edwards is a graduate of the University of Arkansas and has earned a Master of Divinity, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and a Master of Arts in Religious Education of Southwestern Seminary. But his discernment matches his education and for me often the greater gift. He lives with his wife Janet and three children in Franklin, Tennessee. And this is him enjoying what he loves, the mountains in Wyoming. Except he's usually behind the camera. And he has been kind enough to spend Friday’s with us. What he is offering us regarding his time is a gift. I hope we will take advantage of it.
Got Question's for Ken? Email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org