I sat down on the padded chair in the unfamiliar church. My divorce papers had just been delivered, my heart was breaking and I just needed to be with my family. So, I had joined my brother and his wife at their church and prayed for anonymity, and that no one would notice the tears.
As if God desired to torture me more, a young man sat on the stage during the praise and worship and began painting. The first thing I recognized was a hand. Then there was another hand. And as he began to brush the final strokes I realized it was a man slipping a wedding ring on a woman’s finger. I looked down at my own and remembered the day it was slipped on my finger and dreaded the day I'd have to take it off.
Even though I couldn’t scream out in the middle of that service, I was screaming on the inside. “Are you trying to rub it in?! Think I didn’t remember?!” Might have been slightly more raw than that but fortunately I can’t remember exactly and didn’t journal that specific moment. But what I did hear was, “No, I’m showing you what I desire to be to you and can be if you’ll let me.” The tears fell silently down my face and onto the back of the chair in front of me. And that was the day that I made the decision to let God walk with me through this dark place and I found the faithful and loving companion that He is capable of being.
I doubt I’m the only person who was having a barrage of “not so pretty” thoughts that day. I’m sure there were singles in there who have been praying for a spouse for years, yet the seat next to them still sits empty. There were probably others in there that day who had only recently stood by the graveside as the one they had pledged their love to until “death do us part” now knew the parting that death brings.
But it was a statement to each of us no matter what circumstance brought us to this place of “flying solo”. The statement that God is the ultimate companion. But in order to be his companion we have to be willing to let him slip the ring on our finger. Man or woman, divorced or widowed, single for twenty years or fifty years, He offers the same to each of us. “How much will you let me love you?” I dare say no one could love us the way the one who created us can. May this journey cause our heart not to simply believe it, but be bold enough to chase it.
May you take this months challenge. Put up your little black book for a moment. Or your “looking” status on your Facebook or Myspace page on pause. Put your E-Harmony account on hold. And ask the Lord, “What do you want to be to me during this season of my life? Is there a new vision you have? A new opportunity I’m missing because I’m so busy trying to find someone to belong to. Help me realize that I do belong. I belong to You.” I promise, if you’re willing to ask. He’s more than willing to answer.
“Those who are married seek to please their spouse. Unmarried people seek to please the Lord. There is a special relationship of power between God and the single believer. Paul wrote, ‘Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.’ In other words, the person who is single should be abiding, not wrestling, in singleness. Rather than spend all of our effort trying to change our position, we need to learn to develop the position where He has placed us. Isn’t that what this means. ‘…I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.’ (Phil 4:11)” T.D. Jakes
Wow! So thankful for the new blog! You have such a tender and attentive heart that longs to know God more. Thanks for sharing that with us!
Posted by: Carrie | October 06, 2008 at 09:18 AM
Denise, thank you so much for launching this blog. I'm a young, always-been single, and I know that this is just going to be a wonderful journey. I cried when I read this post, because God has been whispering to my heart for years; "I will love you more than any man can."
May I, and all of us singles, have the courage to give our futures to the One who loves us beyond our comprehension.
Blessings,
Melody
Posted by: Melody | October 06, 2008 at 09:24 AM
Hello Denise, I found this site through a comment on Facebook. I love your views about being single. God has been revealing Himself to me in such a close and intimate way since I lost my wife two and a half years ago. As He showed you how He has put a wedding band on your finger... He showed me how He has put a stamp upon me which simply says "Mine". How could we as single believers find more love than His gentle embrace? I'm learning the broken Heart He has for us, His bride.
Posted by: John Bosse | October 06, 2008 at 12:17 PM
Denise, thank you. At 33 and newly married I can relate to the pain and the joys of many years as a single woman (27 Dresses was my story for the most part). Though now having "crossed over" I never want to forget what God did in me in those years of waiting and never want to lose the sensitivity to those who still are. I now must keep in mind that still only Jesus can meet all my needs and not Colin. Thank you for sharing your heart in this blog. I will be a faithful reader (and commenter too!). If you get a moment you can read a post regarding some of my thoughts on my previous blogspot: http://gretchenlackey.blogspot.com/2008/03/single-life.html
: )
Posted by: Gretchen Fagan | October 06, 2008 at 12:21 PM
Perhaps I shouldn't post this blog because I'm not currently single, but I have been single and I painfully remember the days after my divorce. I remember those days of broken-ness... Wow, I hate even thinking back on them, but they were good days in a bitter sort-of-way. I wasn't married to her just once...we were married twice. From childhood I had dreamed of a marriage that lasted a lifetime; all I wanted was a LIFETIME. I had dreamed of children. I had dreamed of a HOME!!!! I wanted it to last; I prayed for it to last; I worked for it to last...it didn't last.
Then I met her...way sooner than I wanted. I liked her. I liked her godliness. I liked her honesty. She had never been married; and I had actually been married twice...if only to the same person. We dated, we sought God, we sought His Presence, we sought church approval, we received the 'BLESSING' of our church, we moved on, we married, we had a daughter, we had a son, we moved on....
Somewhere through the teen years of our children we lost touch. I lost touch. Touch???? Touch...the most important thing we ever do!!! No doubt about it....but I lost touch!!!! It's my fault. I know who is responsible...it was me!!!
Then...I almost lost my way again. She stayed faithful. She stayed home. She has been incredible. I have been the wayward one...never pulled the linen up with another...but my thoughts have been anything but faithful. I'm ashamed, but it is true!!!!
30 years!!!! Last week we took a trip celebrating 30 years. I discovered again she truly is the only person I can live with; she is the only person I can enjoy riding a day with. In sales, I spend entire days riding with strangers. Sometimes I fantasize...sometimes I imagine. Last week was no imagination. I rode everyday for a week with a woman I enjoy beyond description...we had not a single cross word or disagreement...it was amazing and restful...
I realized last week I could spend the rest of my days alone with her and I would be satisfied.
To those of you who are struggling with your singleness, I understand. Though 30 years in the past, I remember the nights I pulled the covers over my head, I remember crying in my pillow, I remember feeling the rejection, the hurt, I remember wearing the daily pain, I remember thinking it would never, ever, ever end...
All I can say is this: There IS a God and He has YOUR answer. Probably won't be the same as mine, but HE has YOUR answer!!!! Seek it!!!!
Posted by: Tom May | October 07, 2008 at 09:17 PM