Flying Solo

Thursday Thumbprint

Well, it’s New Years Eve. I’m throwing a party this year. I have never done this! Ever! But in the “coming alive to my heart” journey of the past couple of years, this is something that I wanted to do. And fried chicken is on the table. On the 31st of every year, when I’m having my devotion that morning I recount all of the amazing things God did in my life, in the life of my family and in the lives of my friends. And my what a year this one has been!

In July I turned 40. Yep, the big 4-0. And I was thinking that week how the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. At my “surprise” birthday part, even though I asked for a party, my family and friends gathered around me and prayed over me and one of them talked about in the 40th year the children of Israel entered the Promise Land.

I can honestly tell you that is how this season has felt. There have been dreams that I have had for a decade that have finally come to fruition. New relationships that have changed my life. I’ve seen miracles in the lives of my friends from children, to jobs, to personal healings, to healing of their bodies. My family is healthy and happy and my heart is present and alive. And God has shown Himself to me this past season as the Redeemer and Atonement that He promises to be. I’ve needed Him differently this year. I’ve needed Him for a new place of faith, and a new level of forgiveness. And in each moment He has been as loving and kind and faithful to give what I need when I need it.

As you put the final touch on your year, whether it is by eating, shooting fireworks, or kissing someone as the new year rings in, take some time to remember all of the ways God has deeply loved you this year. All the details that He has been involved in and store those away in days you might forget that He’s there. Thank you for sharing this year with us. I can’t wait to see what next year holds. I have a feeling it’s going to be amazing! And I’m grateful to travel it with you.

To share your Thumbprint moment email [email protected] 

 

Wednesday 1 on 1 with Hope .....cont

5.You said in your story that you felt your family was a representative of God.  And if you needed too much from God He would leave.  Boy is that not a lie so many people believe.  How have you begun to break down that lie in your life?

It is devastating how many of us buy into this lie.  It is also natural that we identify and relate to God based on our experiences.  God is constantly breaking down the lies I believe about Him by giving me opportunities to clearly see who He really is.  Many of these opportunities have come through relationships and experiences; I am constantly seeing and hearing God in living life, having dinner with girlfriends, hiking in the mountains and sitting by a fire talking with friends. 

I have this fear that God breaking down my walls means Him forcefully exposing me. In reality, He is gently drawing me out of my fortress and giving me a choice to remove the bricks of my walls with Him.  Sometimes we chip away at the mortar between bricks and sometimes we knock out sections.  Honestly looking at my insecurities and fears, the lies I believe, can be painful and uncomfortable.  But God’s tenderness and care in showing me what He thinks of me just makes me want more of Him.  And so the thought of more of God is becoming inviting and exciting rather than scary. 

Acknowledging my fears about God, admitting what I actually think of Him and not what I’m supposed to think of Him, gives Him the chance to be something different.  In giving Him a chance to be who He truly is I’m finding Him to be irresistible!  And His desire in revealing lies I believe comes from His desire to love me rather than criticize me.

6.You said that you had really shut down your heart.  We have talked a lot about this over the last two months and for some people this is such a new way of thinking and living.  So, what did shutting down your heart look like for you?  And how did it coming alive look to you?

Shutting down my heart looked like putting my fingers in my ears, closing my eyes and convincing myself that my life wasn’t that bad.  And I was being needy if I said I wasn’t happy.  I knew people whose lives were much “worse” than mine and I needed to be content with my lot in life.  I withdrew from life by working and staying busy.  The sorrow I felt in suffocating my heart was overshadowed by the satisfaction I felt at being able to control my own life.  I did not, and sometimes still do not, give myself the chance to own my feelings and actions. 

My heart coming alive has been a process of responding and paying attention, rather than being frozen by fear that I do nothing.  I started actually doing things - paying attention to the type of music I like, asking what do I like about the lyrics, what do I enjoy doing with friends, what do I like about being outside, what do I dislike about being stuck in a board room.  My heart coming alive has looked like God carrying me to water, and just sitting with me until I decide to timidly dip my finger in to judge the temperature.  It looks like Him giving a reassuring nod and mysterious smile as I dare to keep a couple toes in the water for more than a second.  And it is a look of understanding, with a trace of sorrow and sometimes even humor, when I get up and storm away from the water, choosing not to talk to Him. 

 

Monday Musings

When I was little I thought I was passionate when I was rummaging through the thousand page Sears catalog searching for my Christmas gifts. I mean, I did that passionately. But what I’ve discovered these last couple of years, is that passion can die, or be so entombed that you think it has. 
Ever had that happen to you? Ever look back at your early years and think, “Where did that zest for life go? Where did that adventurous spirit go? How did I get here?” What happens is that we allow things to enter into our lives and begin to close down our heart. Shut down the very place that passion flows from. Maybe we got in a marriage and the drain of it had taken us to a place where living wasn’t about enjoying life, it was about simply surviving. Or maybe you got in a job that simply drained the life out of you and the day to day journey was about existing instead of enjoying. So how do we reengage our passion? How do we connect once again to our hearts? If I’m being honest, sometimes the method is drastic. I’m not an advocate for divorce. Never have been. But I’m a huge advocate for living. And the changes that have to be made in a shut-down heart are often more than others can handle. But God didn’t design us to live shut down. He said, “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.”
To allow something or someone to aid in shutting down our heart means we have given our heart over to someone or something that isn’t God. So, our first question should be, “Who is on the throne of my heart.” Because when God is on the throne of our heart, it is hard for our heart not to thrive. I knew I had placed my husband on the throne of my heart. Didn’t realize it however, until I was out of my marriage. But once I was out of my marriage and I began to allow God to reach all of those shut down places I discovered that when He was on the throne that there was so much life inside of me. 
I challenge you this week to take stock of your heart. Does something or someone else own it? One of my favorite lines in Diary of Mad Black Woman is when Myrtle tells Helen, “People can’t make me happy and people can’t make me sad.” My, is that a statement of a fully alive heart or what! A person living out of God’s passion and what He has designed aren’t controlled by what goes on around them. Because the connection of their hearts is vertical, not horizontal. It’s time to get rid of our old patterns of behaviur that would aid in shutting down our heart. Because as long as we allow them to continue, we will never live from the passionate spirit God placed.

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

Saturday Christmas Sweets and a Movie

Caramel Corn Recipe
 

Caramel corn is quite easy to make, just don't attempt to make it (or any candy) on a humid day. Be careful as the caramel sauce is quite hot; as a safety precaution do not have children running underfoot while making this recipe.

INGREDIENTS
• 4-5 quarts popped popcorn (a double batch of this popcorn recipe, unsalted, unbuttered)
• 2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup dark corn syrup
• 1 Tbsp molasses
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 cups salted peanuts (optional)

METHOD
1 Heat oven to 225°F. Place popcorn in large roasting pan; set aside.
 
 
2 Combine brown sugar, butter, corn syrup, molasses and salt in a thick-bottomed, 2-quart saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until mixture comes to a full boil. Continue cooking, stirring occasionally, until candy thermometer reaches 250°F or small amount of mixture dropped in ice water forms a hard ball (about 12 to 14 minutes). Remove from heat; stir in baking soda. The caramel will foam up a little and turn a lighter color when you add the baking soda.
 
3 Carefully pour hot mixture over the popcorn in a large roasting pan. (If you would like peanuts with your popcorn, sprinkle the salted peanuts over the caramel sauce at this point.) Using a wooden spoon, stir until all popcorn is coated. (Be careful not to let the caramel touch you; it's very hot.) Place in oven for 20 minutes. Remove from oven, stir to more evenly coat the popcorn with the caramel sauce. Return to oven. Continue cooking for 20 minutes. Remove from oven. Immediately spread caramel corn out onto waxed paper. Let cool completely. Break into bite-sized pieces. Store in tightly covered container.

Makes about 5 quarts.

The Preacher's Wife

Good natured Reverend Henry Biggs finds that his marriage to choir mistress Julia is flagging, due to his constant absence caring for the deprived neighborhood they live in. On top of all this, his church is coming under threat from property developer Joe Hamilton. In desperation, Rev. Biggs prays to God for help - and help arrives in the form of an angel named Dudley. However, Dudley's arrival seems to cause even more trouble.

Do you have a favorite recipe and Movie you would like to share? Email [email protected]

Thursday Thumbprint

This weeks Thumbprint is a little different. It is from one of our readers who has recently gone through a divorce and I thought his reflections would be something that could encourage all of us.

Being married to someone and becoming“one” with that special someone is a beautiful and very spiritual thing just as God intended for it to be. Most of us that get married have some understanding of the concept of one-ness and have expectations as to what it will be like. We live and build a life as “one”. We share everything… the good, the bad, the ugly, the joy, and the bills. But what happens to “one-ness” when, due to divorce, once again there are “two”? Our souls are tied to that person on such a deep level that after a separation and divorce, the transition of dividing affects us deeply; touching our thoughts, emotions and at times, our own soundness.

Divorce is usually marred by a lot ofunpleasantries. (I just used divorce and unpleasantries in the same sentence… does this make me an oxy moron?) I recently walked with a friend whose spouse made some very poor and very public decisions that caused him much heartache and stress as his spouse began to scramble in an attempt to save face in the community. I shared with my friend a lesson I learned in my own journey, and that is our joy cannot be dependant on our former spouse’s sorrow… because their joy will cause you sorrow in return”. I relate this cycle as one living on a teeter-tooter. Those walking through divorce cannot allow themselves to feel elevated by the emotional and/or social descent of the spouse. We must resist taking joy in the spouse’s misery or enjoying some sense of justification due to it. Because when that partner begins to get their life together and rebuild and start an ascent… what goes up will come down.

We had been told that when we unite in marriage that we and our spouse make one complete person… so am I now only half a person? We had been convinced that our spouse balances us and we balance them; that we get our strength from one another…. So, can I no longer stand by myself?

I was surprised when I looked up the word “oneness” in the dictionary. I expected to see the words like “unity” and “agreement” and a definition supporting the concept of “two” becoming as “one”… and I found that. However, what I didn’t expect were words like “singularity”, “singleness”, “uniqueness”, and ”wholeness”. The word “oneness” still describes life after divorce… we are just having to be redefined.

Consequently, when we allow our lives to be defined by a teeter-totter existence, our wholeness or oneness will be hindered and completely dependent upon their brokenness. Therefore, if we continue to allow ourselves to remain emotionally connected to someone that we are no longer in a covenant relationship with in such a way, our ups will be dependent upon their downs; then their ups will most likely dictate to us a descent. You will find that you can’t even pray for your former partner to have God’s best because His best in their life, in turn, runs the risk of devastating your own.

To share your thumbprint moment email [email protected]

 

Wednesday 1 on 1 with Hope....cont

 3. Last month we talked all about sex, so I let Ken handle that one.  How have you dealt with the sexual tension in your single life if you feel comfortable sharing that? 

Absolutely - great question!  Again, I tried to avoid and denied admitting feeling any sexual tension for years.  Rather than trust God’s boundaries around sex, I have both explored and ignored the boundaries.  In both cases I have been unfulfilled.

Strangely, now, if I don’t feel sexual tension for a prolonged period of time, I start wondering what is wrong.  Seriously!  I want people to think I’m beautiful, I want affection and I want to be loved.  Who doesn’t?  As a single gal, I think that what I do with sexual tension is paramount so I choose acknowledge it and wonder about it.  I think about what it is I really want.  Because, ultimately, I don’t want another person, I want intimacy and closeness and delight.  That doesn’t result in not feeling sexual tension, but it does affirm the passion God has placed in my heart rather than shame or ignore it.

I also make decisions about sex in light of who I want to be and who I hope to be with.  If I am married, I don’t want to have massive baggage around something that is supposed to be exciting and fun and rewarding.  I want to enjoy sex within the context of God’s design and I want to enjoy the progression of trust and emotional intimacy that will lead to a healthy sex life.
Ken is spot on in saying, “Sex was meant for marriage because marriage is a commitment that can contain the power of it.” 

4. You said that in relationship you immediately gravitated to things you could fix.  I know so many of our readers get in this cycle.  And it is inevitable that our dysfunction will attract someone else’s. So, even though you aren’t dating now, what does it look like for you in your dating life going forward?

Oh lord, Denise - I’ll be exploring these details with my therapist sometime this month!  But, I hope that my dating life will look like a dance rather than a chart or diagram; I’m enjoying the idea of tango, ballet, salsa and the Tennessee Waltz.  I haven’t really wanted to date until recently because my heart has been a jumbled, striking mess.  I want my heart to be convinced that my desire for love and life is God-given, and that God speaks the first and final words about my worth and identity.  As I begin to trust His words and His love for me, dating stops being a statement about whether or not I am good enough for someone else.  As I meet God with an open heart and allow Him to love me, I begin to see unhealthy patterns as obstacles knowing God honestly.  For me, exploring why I want to fix instead of be partnered with another in relationship, is a huge question.  And as I dig deeper into the why, God is showing me where my motivation for
 fixing clashes with His love.  So, until God brings my husband along, I have the extraordinary opportunity to figure out how to create my own dance, then see if my steps move to the same beat as someone else’s.

 

Tuesday Tips

Discovering Your Passion

We’ve done this before- but I think it is worth doing again, because it really was so eye-opening for me.

Go to the bookstore and go to the Magazine Rack.
Buy at least five magazines that your eye is drawn to. Not magazines that you usually buy, but magazines that catch your eye. Topics that interest you. And then enjoy them. Seeing what God may trigger inside of you and your heart as you look through them.

Got some of your favorite tips you want to share? Email them to [email protected]

Monday Musings

Ken talked last month about being connected to your heart. I mentioned it last week in my Musing. But people still often don’t realize what that actually means. I think I get it because I lived so long disconnected to my heart. In my last Bible Study lesson the first of November, I was teaching on “Interceding Faith” and right in the middle of my lesson I had a personal revelation of my own life. I realized that for almost thirteen years my life was lived out of performance. I would have never thought in a million years that I would be labeled a “performer.” But I did. I spent years “presenting” something to people that wasn’t real. I believe I did this to survive. But yet it was killing me. 
What the last two and a half years have brought back to life for me is how passionate I really am. And this has caused me to live in the most transparent and authentic place I’ve ever known. Writing this blog is an example of living out of my passion. And in order to do that, it requires me to be connected to my heart, the heart God designed. And that connectivity refuses me the ability to perform. Instead, it gives me the freedom to offer the transparent, sometimes raw pieces of my journey. To perform now, I would have to completely shut down my heart and deny the way God created me. God created me real and honest. 
And out of that flows all the passion for living that He placed on the inside of me. It is the most beautiful place I’ve ever known. God is longing for you and I to get out of any place of performance. People see through it. I know they did me. And we are offering people nothing real. Nor are we discovering the passion and longing that God placed on the inside of us. Causing the world to miss out on what God had created us to offer. 
Performance is tiring too. It takes a lot to pretend you have it altogether. And what I’ve discovered is that the reason people connect to my writing, and teaching and blogs is because I am breaking out of the performance mode and giving them something real. People are desperate for real. And they are desperate for the realness you have to offer. Ask God to reveal where you would perform. Ask Him to begin to show you how to connect to your heart. Those deep, rich places He designed and longs to pour out. I promise, you will wonder how you lived the way you did for so long.

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.