This weeks Thumbprint is a little different. It is from one of our readers who has recently gone through a divorce and I thought his reflections would be something that could encourage all of us.
Being married to someone and becoming“one” with that special someone is a beautiful and very spiritual thing just as God intended for it to be. Most of us that get married have some understanding of the concept of one-ness and have expectations as to what it will be like. We live and build a life as “one”. We share everything… the good, the bad, the ugly, the joy, and the bills. But what happens to “one-ness” when, due to divorce, once again there are “two”? Our souls are tied to that person on such a deep level that after a separation and divorce, the transition of dividing affects us deeply; touching our thoughts, emotions and at times, our own soundness.
Divorce is usually marred by a lot ofunpleasantries. (I just used divorce and unpleasantries in the same sentence… does this make me an oxy moron?) I recently walked with a friend whose spouse made some very poor and very public decisions that caused him much heartache and stress as his spouse began to scramble in an attempt to save face in the community. I shared with my friend a lesson I learned in my own journey, and that is our joy cannot be dependant on our former spouse’s sorrow… because their joy will cause you sorrow in return”. I relate this cycle as one living on a teeter-tooter. Those walking through divorce cannot allow themselves to feel elevated by the emotional and/or social descent of the spouse. We must resist taking joy in the spouse’s misery or enjoying some sense of justification due to it. Because when that partner begins to get their life together and rebuild and start an ascent… what goes up will come down.
We had been told that when we unite in marriage that we and our spouse make one complete person… so am I now only half a person? We had been convinced that our spouse balances us and we balance them; that we get our strength from one another…. So, can I no longer stand by myself?
I was surprised when I looked up the word “oneness” in the dictionary. I expected to see the words like “unity” and “agreement” and a definition supporting the concept of “two” becoming as “one”… and I found that. However, what I didn’t expect were words like “singularity”, “singleness”, “uniqueness”, and ”wholeness”. The word “oneness” still describes life after divorce… we are just having to be redefined.
Consequently, when we allow our lives to be defined by a teeter-totter existence, our wholeness or oneness will be hindered and completely dependent upon their brokenness. Therefore, if we continue to allow ourselves to remain emotionally connected to someone that we are no longer in a covenant relationship with in such a way, our ups will be dependent upon their downs; then their ups will most likely dictate to us a descent. You will find that you can’t even pray for your former partner to have God’s best because His best in their life, in turn, runs the risk of devastating your own.
To share your thumbprint moment email [email protected]
My heart breaks for those who have to suffer through divorce What a healing balm forgiveness can bring. May these words reach the right hearts as the Holy Spirit chances a heart of hurt into a life of hope.
Posted by: Teresa | December 25, 2009 at 09:11 PM