Flying Solo

Wednesday 1 on 1 with Ms. Shirley cont........

Our interview this month is my good friend Shirley Sample. One of my mother’s best friends, she lost her precious husband Cliff last year. However, she has poured herself into people and ministry for the last couple of years and I have watched as she allows God to heal her beautifully. Here is her story…

 

What has your season of grief look like?
 
Let no one put you in a time box about your grief.  Everyone grieves differently.  I believe that the relationship between you and your spouse will determine how long you grieve, and how you grieve.  More importantly, I believe that your personal relationship with Jesus Christ will bring you the peace and comfort that allows your grief to slowly retreat from your heart.
 
It has been sixteen months and I know my grief has not left me, yet.  But, I also recognize that I am not where I was, even three months ago.  I also know that love is the absolute healer.  God's love, the love of family and friends, and the memory of the love my husband and I shared.  When the tears come, and they still do, I don't get upset with myself;  I let them have their moment, and then I go on.  I have learned that they do pass and I am ok on the other side.  I also remind myself that I am not the first, nor will I be the last woman to survive her spouse. 
 
A few months after Cliff's passing, I remember telling someone, that I could not speak two sentences without calling his name.  I didn't have any recent memories that did not include him.  Time has changed that statement, and a loving God has made my heart know that it is ok to smile, to laugh, to enjoy life.
 
My precious family which includes all the Henry's; my children, my in-laws, which includes all the Sample's, and my new South Carolina family, starting with the Goude's, all see that I have reasons to smile, to laugh, to enjoy my life. 
 
Also, a great blessing in my life is my church family.  Only a loving God could have directed our path to Bethel Worship Center.  A house of true and sincere Christian love is the only way to describe it.  I have pastors who still pick up the phone to call me and ask if I am ok or if I need anything.  We have men who have made it clear that Bethel takes care of its widows and elderly.  These were not empty words, because I have had to call on them.  If you are not a part of the body of Christ, ask God to lead you where you can freely worship Him. 
 
I believe doing for others is the absolute best remedy to lessen grief.  There is always someone who needs a smile or needs to be prayed for.  There are always folks who would appreciate a visit or an invitation to a home cooked meal.  There are always other single women who would enjoy going to a movie, or just having lunch with the girls. 
 
As they say here in my new home town, just "hug somebody's neck".
 
S.
 

 

 

Tuesday Tips

Special Health Insurance Considerations for Singles

As health insurance in the U.S. is typically employer-provided, getting a job is often the first time a young person begins to think about this matter.

While you are young and healthy, you might actually feel that you don’t need health insurance. In fact, you might be tempted to do without coverage because you are strapped for cash and want to avoid paying the premiums. The National Association of Insurance Commissioners recently surveyed U.S. consumers and nearly a fifth of young singles indicated they would decline employer health insurance to save money.

However, forgoing health insurance is a dangerous decision. Accidents and unforeseen illnesses can be financially devastating for you and your family. Weigh carefully the repercussions of not being covered, and seriously consider buying health insurance suited to your needs.

    * Know your family’s health history. If you are at high risk for developing a medical condition – such as diabetes – later in life, think carefully before saying no to your employers’ health policy, even if it means paying higher premiums while you are young and healthy.

    * Understand that if you have been covered under your parents’ health insurance policy while you were in college or by a plan offered through your college, often this coverage ceases when you graduate. Additionally, many companies have employee probation periods before health coverage goes into effect. For these periods of no coverage, you should check to see whether you can extend your parents’ coverage short-term under COBRA. Some colleges also offer graduates interim coverage. As an alternative, talk to an insurance agent about purchasing catastrophic health coverage as a short-term measure.

    * As you sort through job prospects, don’t make the salary your sole priority. Health coverage is perhaps the most important job-related benefit you can receive; so study the health plans that prospective employers provide. Many companies have coverage through an HMO or a managed-care plan, which means that many decisions – including which physicians are included in the network – are made by the healthcare provider. Others have more flexible plans that allow their participants to choose their physicians. In either case, the employee is responsible for co-payments which help keep costs under control.

Here are some ways that you can control your health insurance costs or cover an interim period before or between jobs when you are not under an employer’s plan.

    * If you feel you can’t afford regular health insurance, a more affordable option you may want to consider is purchasing a high-deductible major medical policy that only covers very serious or catastrophic health costs. It will offer lower premiums than regular health insurance policies and help you cover bills for “major” medical events, like surgery, hospitalization or emergency room care. But it will typically not cover routine doctor visits or check-ups.

    * If you are convinced that you are generally healthy and have a healthy lifestyle and definitely do not want to pay (or can’t afford to pay) high insurance premiums, consider a Health Savings Account. HSAs can be set up individually or, increasingly, as an option through employers. They allow you to accumulate and spend pre-tax money for health expenses via an account that you own and can take with you should you change jobs.

* If you are in a physically demanding job, you might want to consider purchasing disability insurance, as research shows that young people are four times more likely to be disabled than die at an early age. As an option, many employers offer disability coverage, which provides lost income in the event that you are injured and unable to work. If the injury is work-related, then workers' compensation coverage applies. If you decide to purchase disability insurance, try to get a non-cancelable, guaranteed renewable policy. That means it can never be canceled and it's good until age 65. Make sure you review your disability policy on an annual basis to ensure any disability payments continue to keep pace with your increase in earnings.

Do you have some favorite Tips you would like to share? Email them to [email protected]

 

Monday Musings

As I’ve been reading back over my journals I realized that loss doesn’t present itself simply in losing the presence of another person. Loss impacts almost every piece of our world. It impacts our hearts, our minds, our finances. Some of us have to relocate and we lose our sense of place. Some of us lose friends we’ve had for years. Some of us have to change churches. The losses are cumulative. And they have to be grieved. 
  I have been able to be in my home since my divorce. It has been an unbelievable gift from God, but one I never expected. May will be three years that it has been on the market. In the natural it makes no sense that this home hasn’t sold. Not that I am partial, (okay, I so am) but it is one of the most beautiful homes in this entire neighborhood. And yet, person after person has walked through and it remains. 
 Once I surrendered my picture to the Lord of what the timetable for the re-establishing of my life should look like, I realized he had given this home to me as a gift. I didn’t have to lose and change everything all at once. This provided me a place of comfort, familiarity and normalcy. 
 I will be leaving my home shortly. The place that God has given me for a sweet haven. And I know there will be some grief in that. Just like there was when I changed churches, walked away from a publishing deal and lost my marriage. There was grief attached to each place. But the beauty of God is that in letting go of something obediently, he always has something waiting for us. 
  Grieve your loss.He doesn’t mind. He gives us permission. Actually desires us to. But then realize that He in his love has something beautiful on the other side. I’m about to get a glimpse of mine.

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

Fridays with Ken

 Many of us know people who have been married for substantial amounts of time. My god-parents were married for sixty-one years. What is the secret, if any to this kind of love affair?

The secret to a long healthy marriage is selfless love.  If we put our energy into learning how to love the way Christ does then we will have success.

Does grief differ the longer you’ve been with someone?

The longer the story the greater the value…the greater the value the deeper the loss...a long-term relationship is a beautiful thing.  The grief can be equally beautiful.  The components of grief are the same but it will unfold differently for those who have been together a long time.

Ken Edwards is a graduate of the University of Arkansas and has earned a Master of Divinity, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and a Master of Arts in Religious Education of Southwestern Seminary. But his discernment matches his education and for me often the greater gift. He lives with his wife Janet and three children in Franklin, Tennessee. And this is him enjoying what he loves, the mountains in Wyoming. Except he's usually behind the camera. And he has been kind enough to spend Friday’s with us. What he is offering us regarding his time is a gift. I hope we will take advantage of it.

Got Question's for Ken? Email your questions to [email protected]

Thursday Thumbprints

Last month we gave you a homework assignment to send Valentine’s card to the people you love, allowing it to be a season where you celebrate the amazing people God has given you to love.

One of my favorite love stories is that of Ronald and Nancy Reagan-
So, this month, for our Thursday Thumbprint's I am reprinting some of Ron’s love letters to Nancy….A beautiful love story…and maybe some of us can learn from how they treasured each other. Two people who got a second chance at love….

1966- Written because Nancy so worried about him on airplanes- This was when he was running for Governor

Dear Little Mommie,
 Knowing you (in addition to loving you) I think it’s time to put something on the record. I’ve always know that someday my ground hog days would end, and now these political shenanigans have made “someday” come around. No one talked me into this so no one should have any feeling of responsibility.
 I have to write this because of all our talks about flying and because of all our talks about flying and because you’d try to take the blame personally if ever something did happen. That would be wrong. God has a plan and it isn’t for us to understand, only to know that He has his reasons and because He is all merciful and all loving we can depend on it that there is purpose in whatever he does and it is for our own good. What you must understand without any question or doubt is that I believe this and trust him and you must, too.
 What you must also believe is that I love you more and more each day and it grows more bright and shining all the time.
 Good night middle size muffin, who is all the rest of me I need-

I love you Poppa

 

Got a Thumbprint you would like to share? Email it to [email protected]

 

Wednesday 1 on 1 with Shirley Sample cont.......

Our interview this month is my good friend Shirley Sample. One of my mother’s best friends, she lost her precious husband Cliff last year. However, she has poured herself into people and ministry for the last couple of years and I have watched as she allows God to heal her beautifully. Here is her story…

How have you seen God differently?  

I know now that God never left me. I am now able to see the plans He had for me, because He knew when He would take Cliff home.  

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but we moved to South Carolina, not knowing a single person in this town. Our closest family members lived in Virginia.     

I have survived the worst thing that has ever happened to me; and my survival had absolutely nothing to do with me. God has shown Himself to me through His faithful and obedient servants. Three of them are my sisters. They live in Texas, Delaware and California, respectively. Our parents raised us to "take care of each other", and take care of me is what they did.  They came and wrapped me in their arms. They mourned with me; they loved me.  I love you, Diane, Gertrude and Carolyn. 

I don't believe in coincidences. Our move from Florida to South Carolina didn't just happen. Our stopping at one particular insurance office when there were two (same company) on the same road, wasn't an accident. An invitation to hear "my favorite pastor" wasn't from just anyone, it was from one of His "angels". That invitation ultimately led us to our church home, and the "angel's" favorite pastor, became our favorite pastor, as well.  

I now believe, because I have experienced it, that God has angels all around us and when He determines our path needs special attention, He just places one right in front of us.  And then the only thing we can do is to "love" that angel with all of our heart.  I love you, Darlyn. 

I will never again experience anything that will keep me from praying and seeking His love.  He has shown me...He is more than enough.  

(The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's version of "More Than Enough" is my absolute favorite worship song, followed by "Jesus What A Wonder You Are", (Cliff's favorite), sung by our Frontline Choir). 

 

How has He been a companion to you?  

It has been sixteen months and while I miss my husband each day, I can say with all honesty that I have not felt lonely.  The Holy Spirit that lives in me has been my companion, has kept away any thoughts of loneliness, has made me feel safe and at peace in our home.  

I've had family and friends say, "I feel Cliff in this house".  Well, I do too.  

Cliff's ashes are here with me, but they are not the only thing that makes me feel him.  He spoke his last words here, I believe he took his last breath here and he wasn't surrounded by strangers as he went to his heavenly home.  Our children and I were right next to him, and he saw us.  There was an overwhelming feeling of great love during those final moments.  

God keeps these poignant memories in my mind, and while I sometimes feel sad, He reminds me that Cliff's soul is with Him, and that makes me feel better.

  S.  

 

Tuesday Tips

1. Make an Estate Plan for Your Minor Children
Even if you do not think that you have enough money or property to need an estate plan, you will need to make a plan if you have minor children. If you do not, then control of the minor's inheritance will be taken over by a court-supervised guardian or conservator. Then, depending on the laws of the state where the minor lives, when the minor reaches the age of 18 or 21 all of the remaining guardianship funds will be turned over to the young adult, free and clear of any guidance or strings attached. Aside from this, if you and the other parent of your children both die while the children are still minors, then the children will become wards of the court until a judge can decide who the children should live with until they become adults.

2. Buy Term Life Insurance
When you are young, term life insurance is really cheap and can offer your family financial security if you were to die prematurely. The insurance proceeds can be used for things such as paying off your outstanding medical and credit card bills; paying off your mortgage; replacing your lost income; paying for your children's care and education; and/or paying for a live in nanny, day care or after school care. Term life insurance is also easy to buy these days with services like Intelliquote, Quickquote and Reliaquote. Or, if you are offered term life insurance at work, buy it.
Everyone Needs an Estate Plan
Estate planning is not just for older or wealthy people. Younger people, especially those with minor children, need to have a will and estate plan in place in order to give instructions to their loved ones to follow in the event of a debilitating accident or untimely death. Celebrities like Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith (also known as Vickie Lynn Marshall), Princess Diana, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Janis Joplin, Michael Jackson, and, most recently, Brittany Murphy, all died unexpectedly, and yet each and every one of them had a will and estate plan. It's just common sense.

Do you have some favorite Tips you would like to share? Email them to [email protected]

 

Monday Musings

In November of this year my god-father Rich Grimes went home to be with the Lord. Just a year and a half earlier we had celebrated he and my Aunt Mill’s sixtieth wedding anniversary. They have been at every wonderful celebration of my life. Even those I can’t remember. Uncle Rich brought me home from the hospital and Aunt Mill was cooking when we got there. Not much has changed over the last forty-years. They have been more grandparents than god-parents. And have celebrated my graduations, my wedding, my life…
 When I got to the house after Uncle Rich had past the void was palpable. I don’t know that I could have anticipated the extreme loss. Because only two months earlier me and my parents had gone to spend a long weekend with them and he was doing really well. So, to come back so shortly after and to find him gone out of his chair, and out of our lives was a tremendous and profound loss.
 There was no Aunt Mill calling him, “Hon.” Hon (short for Honey) Go get this…Hon, Go get that.” And on it would go. And his little tiny legs and round belly would scurry hither and yon getting whatever she needed and always with a smile. He wasn’t much taller than me, so I always loved that, and I loved him.
 I’ve known Aunt Mill for forty years and until that week in November I had never seen her cry. But cry she did. I sat in her arms one evening while my dad played the piano in the family room and we rocked and talked and she cried. I watched a woman I love so deeply grieve like I had never seen. Knowing that deep love is felt deeply.
 For many of us we haven’t lost a companion of sixty- years but maybe we’ve lost the dream of having sixty-years with a companion, whether we’ve never been married or not. But the beauty is that kind of deep love exists. It exists in human form and heavenly form. Oh that we may have a glimpse of it. And oh that we may treasure it when we do.
In November of this year my god-father Rich Grimes went home to be with the Lord. Just a year and a half earlier we had celebrated he and my Aunt Mill’s sixtieth wedding anniversary. They have been at every wonderful celebration of my life. Even those I can’t remember. Uncle Rich brought me home from the hospital and Aunt Mill was cooking when we got there. Not much has changed over the last forty-years. They have been more grandparents than god-parents. And have celebrated my graduations, my wedding, my life…
 When I got to the house after Uncle Rich had past the void was palpable. I don’t know that I could have anticipated the extreme loss. Because only two months earlier me and my parents had gone to spend a long weekend with them and he was doing really well. So, to come back so shortly after and to find him gone out of his chair, and out of our lives was a tremendous and profound loss.
 There was no Aunt Mill calling him, “Hon.” Hon (short for Honey) Go get this…Hon, Go get that.” And on it would go. And his little tiny legs and round belly would scurry hither and yon getting whatever she needed and always with a smile. He wasn’t much taller than me, so I always loved that, and I loved him.
 I’ve known Aunt Mill for forty years and until that week in November I had never seen her cry. But cry she did. I sat in her arms one evening while my dad played the piano in the family room and we rocked and talked and she cried. I watched a woman I love so deeply grieve like I had never seen. Knowing that deep love is felt deeply.
 For many of us we haven’t lost a companion of sixty- years but maybe we’ve lost the dream of having sixty-years with a companion, whether we’ve never been married or not. But the beauty is that kind of deep love exists. It exists in human form and heavenly form. Oh that we may have a glimpse of it. And oh that we may treasure it when we do.

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.