Flying Solo

Monday Musings

When I met Annie Downs I loved her instantly. She's witty, charming and so very kind. As life has changed for me recently and my time has been sliced to virtually non-existent, I am bringing in some of my friends to co-labor with me in the life of singleness. I will still do some of our months. But there are so many talented people out there that are single and have amazing lives to share that I am thrilled to give them a place for their voice to be heard. Please enjoy my friend Annie this month. And check out her blog as well at annieblogs.com You will grow to love her this month as I am sure. And I am so grateful that she is a part of my community of friendships. I treasure her. You're going to too...

Denise

Quality, not quantity

When it comes to community, I am maturing [hopefully] in the worldview that quality wins over quantity. Upon arrival in Nashville tow years ago, I swept my friendship net as wide as I could. Saying yes to everyone I met led to a shallow, but full, pool of people. I don’t think that is wrong- it is important to me as a single lady to meet as many groups of people in my town as possible. But when it came time to begin going deeper, cultivating friendships and building a community in which I truly shared my heart, simplifying was necessary.

That’s hard for me. I’m a people pleaser and a good-time gal. I want to make everyone happy and I love introducing friends to each other. I’m definitely not saying that you can only have three friends and everyone else gets the cut. I love hanging out with big groups at concerts or the park or at a restaurant.

In January, MaryKatherine and I had lunch together. She’s a dear friend and I trust her voice in my life (time and honesty have gotten us here). With gentleness and truth, MK spoke to me of the importance of loving friends well and showing, with my time and actions, that my true community is my priority.

That meant simplifying and working on the quality of a few friendships and not amassing a group of friends who like me but don’t KNOW me. There is safety in numbers and I found that if I spread myself thin, no one really knew my junk.

And while I am single, if my community doesn’t know my junk, who does? If the people that God has put in my life as my family aren’t allowed into the ugly, who is?

Maybe you have one or two friends who know your junk. Maybe you have thirty. Maybe you have no one. It is time to speak honestly to God about your needs, your heart, and your desire for friendship in this season of your life.

I pray that during this month you have stepped out, in some way, and cultivated some friendships. Maybe you have met someone new or maybe you have poured more deeply into an already established friendship. Know that I am praying this verse over you, that God would set you, or solidify you, in a family.

Psalm 68:6- “God sets the lonely in families.”

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

Fridays with Ken

I’ve lived by myself before and really enjoyed it, but I find that I get fairly selfish when I live alone. Do you think it is wise to live alone or should single people live together?

I think both are good.  Living alone gives you time to reflect and it will tend to push issues up to the surface…but there is that tendency to become selfish.  Living with others gives you the opportunity for direct input into your life and your selfishness becomes more evident…but in some ways it’s easier to avoid issues because you have the potential distraction of the other person.  I encourage an individual to listen to what they need and ask themselves this question…”which circumstance will lead to my greatest freedom in Christ?”


What about guys and girls. Should they live together as roommates?

No.  I think it creates an unnecessary tension that leads us away from freedom not toward it.


Hi Ken,
I am recently divorced.  I am now living with a man I love, admire and
respect. But right about now I am questioning my feelings.

 (Does the bible talk about living together before marriage?).

 I have known him for 13 years. He is 14 years older than myself.  I am 48,
he is 62 years old.

He looks at other women. He has a wondering eye.  I believe he undresses them
with his mind.  He loves to talk with women and be there savior.  He hugs
his lady associates and clients.  I am feeling jealous and having trouble
with trust.

 Is this normal?

Please advise.
My heart aches


Dear My Heart Aches,
I hear fear in your letter….you’ve been hurt…trust broken and it’s going to take sometime to heal and learn how to trust again.  You ask two questions which I will try to answer a little later.  There’s a question I think is more important that I want to invite you to ask yourself…”Does this circumstance lead me to God’s freedom for my life?”  This is a question of trust…trust in God’s provision for you.  Any time we step outside of the design that God has provide for our lives we sell ourselves short.  You’re worth a commitment to be cared for.  You’re worth a commitment to be cherished.  You’re worth a commitment to be married.  You’re worth a commitment to be loved.  Freedom comes when we take the risk of trusting that God knows what’s best for us, which isn’t really a risk at all.  It’s just so foreign to us that it becomes scary.  I believe it is nearly impossible to have a healthy, trusting relationship with another person unless we’re willing to engage with this question. 


On to your questions…

Normal and healthy are two different things.  Do a number of people live together…yes.  Do a number of men look at other women with the purpose of undressing them…yes.  Is either of these behaviors healthy…no.   The Bible teaches us to avoid youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2Tim.2:22).  I could quote a string of verses that speak to these issues but for time sake I won’t.  To get at the heart of the matter Christ died so that we would walk in freedom.  This freedom is not by our design but according to God’s…so by seeking Him and orientating to His desire for us we will find the freedom and peace we seek.

 

Ken Edwards is a graduate of the University of Arkansas and has earned a Master of Divinity, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and a Master of Arts in Religious Education of Southwestern Seminary. But his discernment matches his education and for me often the greater gift. He lives with his wife Janet and three children in Franklin, Tennessee. And this is him enjoying what he loves, the mountains in Wyoming. Except he's usually behind the camera. And he has been kind enough to spend Friday’s with us. What he is offering us regarding his time is a gift. I hope we will take advantage of it.

Got Question's for Ken? Email your questions to [email protected]

Thursday Thumbprint

The Cowarts (couples + kids)

Meet the Cowarts- Jeremy, Shannon, Adler, and Eisley. Cute, cute people. I started out as a nanny for this family and over time, it felt like I was one of the family. One of the most beautiful surprises while watching someone else’s kids is when your heart is full of love for them. They have opened their home to me, the kids think I’m pretty fun, and the parents are dear friends. I needed a safe landing place. I needed a place where I knew that the rawest of Annie moments was welcomed. And the Cowarts gave me that place.

I like being friends with families. It’s safe. Watching a married couple interact, as well as love their children well, is another great opportunity for me to prepare myself for that season of my life. I also get to go home after changing diapers and making chicken nuggets and appreciate my single life a little bit more. It’s fun to love a family. You should try it sometime.

Got a Thumbprint you would like to share? Email it to [email protected]

Wednesday 1 on 1 - " Single in the City "

"Let me introduce you to Sara Beth Turner. Sara Beth is a single Christian girl living an amazing life in New York City. I visited her in April and I saw, firsthand, how fun and fantastic her life is. I wanted to know more- I wanted to hear her thoughts on community, Christianity, singleness, and the beauty of life in New York City."

 

What are some of your favorite things about the city?

The people. Followed quickly by the energy of the city, the life in the
city, the restaurants, the entertainment, just the city itself...for better
or for worse.

How have you seen God move in your life through your community?

If we are God's hand and feet on earth, then these are the people giving me
manicures and pedicures once a week.

Seriously. They gently show me where I'm falling short and where I'm
failing to love. They also joyfully encourage me along the way, regardless
of my attitude - all the time. Because of them, the rest of the world gets
a better 'me.'

Tuesday Tips

Gifts a million

I love giving [and getting] gifts. My friend Hillary does a beautiful job of giving small, but meaningful, gifts on a regular basis. I think it speaks volumes to your friends when you take time, and a small amount of money, and give them a gift. Here are a few options.

1. A Starbucks gift card. It is amazing how many people love Starbucks and how many Starbucks locations exist. Even just $5, enough for a little more than one drink, means a lot to people.

2. A magazine. You don’t have to give a subscription. But if you see an issue with a great cover story, grab it for a friend.

3. A baseball. Or a frisbee or really any sports equipment. Those are the kinds of things that everyone loves to own but no one thinks to buy.

4. Flowers. Especially if you are attending a dinner party, a small little bouquet of flowers is such a kind and thoughtful thank-you gift.

5. A note. You can never underestimate the power of a few kindly written sentences. Telling people how much appreciate them, love them, or enjoy their friendship sometimes does more for a heart than you can imagine. Grab a stack of cards and take ten minutes to write a few friends.

What have your friends given you that meant a lot? Or what have you given a friend? The more good gift ideas, the better!

Do you have some favorite Tips you would like to share? Email them to [email protected]

Monday Musings

When I met Annie Downs I loved her instantly. She's witty, charming and so very kind. As life has changed for me recently and my time has been sliced to virtually non-existent, I am bringing in some of my friends to co-labor with me in the life of singleness. I will still do some of our months. But there are so many talented people out there that are single and have amazing lives to share that I am thrilled to give them a place for their voice to be heard. Please enjoy my friend Annie this month. And check out her blog as well at annieblogs.com You will grow to love her this month as I am sure. And I am so grateful that she is a part of my community of friendships. I treasure her. You're going to too...

Denise

Maintenance

After two years of living in Nashville, God’s generosity in friendships is one of the things for which I am most thankful. Being single isn’t always easy, but being single in a community definitely absorbs some of the weight of that loneliness.

But just like our spring flowers and newly planted gardens, we have to cultivate and maintain those friendships.

I am quick to label someone a friend. We’ve met once? We’re friends. You send me a kind email because you enjoyed a post on my blog? We’re friends. I’ve cried my eyes out in your living room because a boy broke my heart? We’re friends [and you deserve a medal of honor].

I am learning, though, that the label “friend” really should be earned, not freely given. When we meet, we are not quite friends. When we cultivate our friendship and allow it to grow, that is where friendship is born.

I find that there are a few key ways to build friendships. First of all, give it time. The more time you know someone, the more experiences you have with them, the more stories you share. Whereas I would like to consider you my BFF if we’ve had one solid conversation, wisdom says that one conversation does not a friendship build. That conversation, plus a group outing to dinner the next week, plus sitting together at church- there are the building blocks of friendship.

Be patient. The best friendships seem to be those that are steady and slow to build. Time is on your side.

Honesty is key. Be real. Be you. Don’t hide your true self in hopes of persuading someone to like you. Because if you put time into the friendship as well, at some point they will see the real you. So you might as well be real from the start.

But be wise. Not everyone you meet deserves you. You have more to offer than you probably realize. Prayerfully entering friendships and asking God for wisdom is a majorly good idea.

My Nashville community taught me very quickly that solidifying friendships includes time, honesty, and wisdom. And though these three things aren’t always easy, my people are absolutely worth it.

Sunday Reflections

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

This is your time. Reflect with us about your week, your friends and what God has become to you. This is your space. Your time.

Saturday Dinner and A Movie

Chicken and Roasted Vegetable Rice

www.betterhomesandgardens.com

Ingredients:

4 bone-in chicken breast halves, with skin (about 2 pounds)
1-1/2 cups packaged peeled baby carrots, halved, if large
1 cup cubed peeled sweet potato (1 medium)
1 onion, cut into 1/4-inch-thick wedges
1/2 cup sliced celery (1 stalk)
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 tablespoons snipped fresh sage
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 8.8-ounce pouches cooked long grain and wild rice
3 tablespoons snipped fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley

Directions:

1. Arrange chicken in a shallow roasting pan. In a large bowl, combine carrots, sweet potato, onion, celery, 1/4 cup of the broth, sage, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Using a slotted spoon, arrange vegetables around chicken in pan. Brush chicken with liquid remaining in bowl.

2. Bake in a 375 degree F oven for 35 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink (170 degrees F) and vegetables are tender, stirring vegetables twice. Transfer chicken to a serving platter; cover to keep warm. Add rice, parsley, and remaining 1/4 cup broth to pan; stir to combine. Return to oven; cook about 5 minutes or until rice is heated through. Serve rice mixture with chicken.

 

 
Based on a true story. Liz Murray is a young girl who is taken care of by her loving, but drug-addicted parents. Liz becomes homeless at 15 and after a tragedy comes upon her, she begins her work to finish high school.

We want your recipes, favorite movies and pictures of dinner with friends! Email them to [email protected]

Fridays with Ken

Is it possible to hang out with couples too much? Should singles focus on being around other singles?

Yes. The problem occurs if an individual uses the couple relationship to avoid engaging with his/her life. I believe it’s good to be in community with a wide variety of folks…both singles and couples.

What are the benefits of being in a varied community (singles, marrieds, families)? What are the drawbacks?

I don’t see any drawbacks if a person it’s avoiding their own life.  The chief benefit is the broad opportunity for feedback and care.

Ken Edwards is a graduate of the University of Arkansas and has earned a Master of Divinity, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and a Master of Arts in Religious Education of Southwestern Seminary. But his discernment matches his education and for me often the greater gift. He lives with his wife Janet and three children in Franklin, Tennessee. And this is him enjoying what he loves, the mountains in Wyoming. Except he's usually behind the camera. And he has been kind enough to spend Friday’s with us. What he is offering us regarding his time is a gift. I hope we will take advantage of it.

Got Question's for Ken? Email your questions to [email protected]